


permanent midnight

by worry



Series: honeybees [3]
Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Serial: s136 The Twin Dilemma, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-28 00:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: Everything about him is different; body and mind, his softness drained out. Turlough wonders if he is different now, too.(The Doctor decides to make a stop before Titan 3. He just can't stay away.)





	permanent midnight

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: Gladiolus- you pierce my heart

  


_Turlough knows this sound - this sort of mechanical warp, filling up and radiating through his ears. Of course he does; this is the sound that plays in his mind every night, wanting melted into liquid into the speed of sound, against the restraints of the physical body._

 

_The TARDIS is materializing somewhere. It is faint - but Turlough knows this sound._

  
  


Turlough watches the door for what feels like a century. It is not a century, it could be a century; time is the color stain of a window, time is the sunlight peering through that window, time is Turlough’s reflection in shattered glass. Time is like love - epheremal.

 

He waits for the light to flicker on. He’s waiting for the Doctor. Turlough considers the possibility that, upon gaining the reality of their separation, he clung to the past - and the Doctor is not truly here with him. He lost his mind, folded in on himself. It is not unrealistic; he has done so in the past, faded in the fields of his own self, dug up the roots of everything that he is. Of course: he was different back then. Now he has been touched by the Doctor, and touched.

 

Two centuries. Two seconds. The door opens and the light turns on with a violent _flash._ The man he is staring at is not the Doctor; he takes in the bright colors, the swift movement. He is a natural occurence, a wonder of Earth nature: a rainbow after rain, the color of fall leaves, a sunset falling over the sky like a curtain. His hair is curly and Turlough wants to touch it, feel softness again.

 

“Hello, Turlough.”

 

“You’re the Doctor, aren’t you?” he asks, faint. Everything is different now. It has been - too long, and Turlough wants to devour time. If he swallows time down then he is time, and he can be with the Doctor.

 

“ _Clearly_ ,” says the Doctor. “Just - metamorphosed, a bit.”

 

“Metamorphosed?”

 

“Reconstructed. Upgraded, if you will.”

 

Everything about him is different; body and mind, his softness seemingly drained out. Turlough wonders if he is different now, too. Maybe Turlough changed with him, harmony, and Turlough is better now. He _is_ better now, but the Doctor is here, and the Doctor is standing in front of him, and Turlough has ascended.

 

“Interesting definition of ‘upgrade’,” Turlough says, eyes moving over the Doctor’s coat. Secretly: he likes it. He has seen nearly every Doctor, and they have all had interesting ideas of fashion - this fits right in, this follows a pattern. The Doctor is so easy to love.

 

The Doctor sighs. “Peri said something akin to that. Why can’t anyone appreciate it like I do?”

 

“I think it’s very… you,” Turlough responds. “It’s exactly the kind of thing I’d expect your next self to wear.”

 

This silences him. “Thank you, Turlough. I appreciate that.” The Doctor pauses, looks around the room. It is minimalistic, open. “How long has it been for you since your departure? I’m still in quite a post-regenerative trauma state, I’m not exactly certain of when I landed.”

 

“It’s been about two months,” Turlough tells him. “Post-regenerative… Doctor, are you alright?”

 

“Oh, just robust _now…_ I think.” He looks down to the floor, doesn’t look up. “Ah - that is actually the reason for my visit.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

The Doctor approaches Turlough, and they sit next to one another on Turlough’s bed. Their hands brush - and the Doctor takes his, holds it close to his chest. “I’m here to say goodbye.”

 

“We already said goodbye,” Turlough says. His panic boils up sudden. “Don’t make me go through that again… I already didn’t want to leave you.”

 

The Doctor hums. “True,” he says. “But I feel as if our goodbye wasn’t appropriate.”

 

“It wasn’t appropriate?” Turlough asks, and there are tears poking through his eyes - no, he cannot allow himself to cry, cannot show any more vulnerability to the Doctor than he already has. “Tell me how it wasn’t appropriate.”

The Doctor only gazes into his eyes—

 

—and the Doctor touches his face (gently, this Doctor doesn’t look gentle), and the Doctor kisses him. It is passionate, long - it feels like fire, a burning body against Turlough’s burning body. He doesn’t remember the Doctor feeling this warm. He doesn’t remember the Doctor _feeling,_ this way - oh - Turlough loved him, and they’re kissing and Turlough loved him and the Doctor is saying

 

goodbye, forever. Forever. He will have to recover and rebuild, now. He wants the Doctor to leave him and he wants the Doctor to stay, he is so good at wanting.

 

The Doctor pulls back. “I’m going to a place called Titan III,” he says, so sudden, “where I will remain in solitude until I have properly atoned.”

 

“Atoned?” Turlough asks. “What are you talking about?”

 

“It’s no matter,” the Doctor tells him, “I just - wanted you to know… that I did feel for you, and that I was aware of your emotions. And,” he sighs, deeply, shrieks like a wounded being, “that I’m - _sorry._ I’m sorry, Turlough, that I was not capable of doing this sooner.”

 

He stands up. Turlough is paralyzed. The Doctor lingers in his room - and then he turns away, and walks through the door.

 

 

 

 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> turlough is never allowed to be happy apparently
> 
> pls kudos + comment if u enjoyed :3


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